Monday, June 19, 2017

The Lost Tales: Liam Left to his Vices....

(Written a long time ago to make my girlfriend at the time relax... but possibly based on some of the dumbass things I have done while over tired.)

    Dawn, the sun rose slowly over the window sill of the window that Liam had left open the night before.  As the light crept slowly, eerily towards it's prey. A young man sleeping soundly in his bed, unaware of the impending doom as the light crept lower and lower.. as the sun rose higher. moving above the trees of the outside world it came to it's point and moved gently across his sleeping victims closed eyes. the victim stirred.. slowly,  unaware, moving his eyes out of the view of the sun, but his relentless pursuer moved ever higher, sending it's evil rays lower and lower, until there was no escape. the bed was bathed in sunlight, and Liam, tossed, slowly, trying to get the feeling out of his mind.  he waved his arms vigorously in the air for a moment, then rested. his nose twitching slowly, a sun induced sneeze on it's way. just as he was about to sneeze, he opened his eyes,  directly into the shining sun of the early morning and proclaimed loudly... "AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! Evil Yellow Ball!" waving his hands frantically and shielding his eyes he lost his balance and fell out of his bed hitting the floor and leaving his feet and legs hanging in mid air.

    some time later he emerged, his arms hanging limply at his side, his shoulders slumped the hair on his head frazzled and disheveled. his face looking more like a zombie then a human, as he moaned also very zombie like as he hobbled through the hallway. groaning and wobbling from side to side, his eyes, slowly, closing. "sleeeeeeep" he groaned "Sleeep" he groaned louder.  "Why can't i get a good night sleep!" the final groaning loud and clear as he decided to close his eyes,  it wouldn't' hurt to just close his eyes for a moment he thought.  That moment ended as he walked face first into a wall. sitting there with his face slammed flat against the wall, and his arms hanging limply also against the wall, he stood there, slumped over like a neanderthal... the only sound that could be heard.. was a gentle.. rolling... snore.

After a brief nap,  of three hours, Liam finally rolled into the kitchen, his face still covered in paint chips from the encounter and subsequent nap against the wall. with the look of a ninja, he stealthily crept through the kitchen and grabbed two frying pans,  doing a very stereo typical "waaaaaaa" he moved them into the position you would normally see someone hold them with two sticks then rapidly began to swing them in a figure 8. The whole time doing a ninja yell and spinning and twirling rapidly until he lost his grip on one of the frying pans and it flew out the window, and into a neighbors window. where you could easily hear the screech of a cat and an old man yelling 'Ow!' Liam of course did the honorable thing, and closed the drapes and hid..
    after breakfast Liam moved into the living room, and jumped over the back of the couch and onto the couch cushions, hitting the pristine cushions and sending him flying about 6 feet into the air and slamming into a coffee table rolling off the table and hitting his book shelf. the top shelf shifted, dropping two vases towards his head. Liam's lightning fast reflexes, allowed him a moment to scream in terror before quickly grabbing both vases and holding them up in triumph with a loud shout of "Yeah baby! who's the man!" which was cut short when the bowling ball that was on the top of the shelf came crashing down into his groin.  (STTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTRIKE!)

    as the evening progressed, Liam had an idea that he had seen in a movie one time... so in his living room of course, he had set up a saw horse... a bowling ball wrapped in news papers and soaked in lighter fluid, a candle and a cinder block. the idea was to drop the cinder block on the edge of the shovel which would lever the end with the bowling ball up, sending it past the candle to light it then launch the now flaming bowling ball like a catapult out the window.  Liam was smart enough to open the window this time... he quickly placed the cinder block in position and dropped. causing the shovel handle to snap in two and whack him in the head. 
    2 hours and a lot of ice later, he was back at it. holding the cinder block above the new steel shovel handle. a quick drop of the cinder block and the bowling ball shot straight up into the ceiling embedding itself there.  Liam walked closer to it and looked laughing, just as he was about to walk away the bowling ball fell landing on his foot. much cursing occurred at this point.
    an hour later, now bandaged around his head, and an inflatable cast on his foot, Liam held the cinder block above the shovel again, he had repositioned it so that it wouldn't' fire as hard straight up, a quick drop and the bowling ball leaped about a foot in the air and landed on his other foot.. still more cursing was to be had!
    another hour later Liam was back this time the shovel had been repositioned perfectly, the cinder block was ready, he dropped, the bowling ball raised, missed the candle and flew directly into Liam's head. Unconsciousness occurred this time.
    When Liam returned he now had both feet in inflatable casts, his head and nose bandaged,  he positioned himself correctly, dropped the cinder block, the bowling ball raised, lit on fire by the candle and flew, directly into the wall, about a foot away from the window... Liam ran to the window quickly grabbing the ball and throwing it out the window... only to realize that now not only was his wall on fire... but so was he.  Screaming as he ran around his hands flaming. he ran into the kitchen and dunked his hands into the sink.. the sink he had filled with lighter fluid to soak the bowling ball.  a giant 'Wooosh!' was heard miles away as the flame threw Liam back through two walls and into his bath tub, where fortunately the shower kicked on to douse him.

    several hours later, Liam hobbled into his apartment,  both feet were in casts, his head and nose were wrapped, his left arm was in a sling, and he was using a crutch under his right arm.. he hobbled slowly towards his room, the sun had long since set... the journey was long and slow. the thump of the crutch followed by the shuffle shuffle of his two casted feet.  thump shuffle shuffle, thump shuffle shuffle, thump shuffle shuffle, thump, thump thump thump thump bang! he had tripped, over the cinder block and fell head over heels into his bed, and laid there, one foot hanging off the bed and leaning on the window sill, the other leg straight up in the air along the wall. his arm that was holding the crutch was slightly elevated as the crutch had impacted through the wall and was supporting his arm, his head was off the bed, but he didn't' care.. he sighed a relief. "finally in bed" he thought "now i can just get a good.. i don't know... 36 hours of sleep" he mused as he closed his eyes... sleep took him a few moments later, and as he rested peacefully... the sun started to slowly rise over the windowsill, of the still opened window....

The end

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